Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

He left the lad with the desk sergeant along with some diapers, snacks, and instructions for an afternoon nap. When he got back from his shift his son was nowhere to be seen. He asked the sergeant where his boy was and was told he was in the jail because he wouldn't take his nap. "Why would you put a little boy in jail for that!?" he asked. The sergeant said, "Standard procedure: He was resisting a rest."

After a few hours of still water, Bob cracks open a beer. Timmy says: "Hey Dad, since Mom's not here, can I have one?" "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Bob retorts. "No," Timmy answers, confused. "Then you can't have one." After a little while, Bob grabs a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. Timmy says: "Dad, I promise Mom will never find out. Can I have one?" Again, Bob retorts "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Frustrated and confused, Timmy says "No." "Then you can't have one." A few more minutes pass, and Bob rips open a bag of chips. Timmy, thinking there's no way his dad would refuse his request for something as harmless as chips, says: "Can I have some chips at least?" To the boy's surprise, Bob again asks: "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Fed up, Timmy proudly proclaims "Yes! Yes it can!" "Then go fuck yourself, these are my chips!"

Nevermind, I'm sure it will come to me soon.

Btw, do you want to hear a joke about cognitive dissonance?

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir? Me: Like winning an argument with my wife. Waiter: Rare it is.

I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

Because with a manual gearbox they don’t need any other kind of anti theft device

There was Diana Ross

Is this stool taken

it left with a self esteem boost

>! They both have a Thor-axe !<

Boxing

"My brother's wife wants an overhanging balcony at the back of their house now.." "Cantilever?" "Nah, she's pretty hot..."

A dino-might.

"I’d pet him first."

Why don't time travelers tell jokes?

One robber turns to the other, holds up a bottle and says “is whiskey?” The other says “yeah but not a wisky as wobbing a bank!”

One day, a general was walking through a military base when he noticed a soldier casually eating and walking past him without saluting. Furious, the general ordered the soldier to stop and called him over. Here’s how their conversation went: **General**: Soldier, do you even know who I am? Do you know my rank? **Soldier**: Nope, not at all. **General**: Listen up, soldier. Right now, you’re a private—zero rank. The lowest in the military hierarchy. Basically, you’re nothing. **Soldier**: Okay. **General**: In the military, as you serve more years and prove yourself, your rank goes up. **Soldier**: Alright. **General**: For example, after this, you become a Private First Class. **Soldier**: Got it. **General**: Then you move up to Corporal, Sergeant, Warrant Officer, and so on. **Soldier**: And then? **General**: Eventually—though it’s almost impossible—you could become me, a General, the highest rank in the military. **Soldier**: And after that? **General** (Surprised): After that? There’s nothing after that. That’s it. **Soldier**: Well, I’m already that “nothing” right now.

A whored

So they know where to stop shaving.

58

The song “firework” is gonna take on a new meaning.

Suspecting her husband of infidelity, she confronted him when, once again, he came home late from work. Earlier, she had searched his company job titles and found a name. “What would you say,” she asked, “if I told you that I’m having an affair with your co-worker Sidney?” “Well, in that case,” he replied, “I’d say you’re a lesbian.”

A general, inspecting troops, stops in front of a private and says, "There is a submarine surfacing in front of you. How will you deal with it?" Private: I'd wait till it's 20 meters up in the air and shoot it with my anti-aircraft gun SIR. General: And where are you going to get an anti-aircraft gun from? Private: Same place that you got the submarine from SIR.

Homeless

Wow, this post blew up!

and orders a drink. The drink says, “You can’t tell me what to do.”

A wife, before traveling, asked her husband to take care of the cat. After a week, she called him to say hello and asked about the cat. He said to her: “Honestly, the cat died.” She started screaming and crying and said, “Shame on you… why did you tell me the news all at once? You know I can't handle it. You should’ve told me she was playing on the roof today, then tomorrow tell me she fell off the roof, then the next day say she died... Anyway… how’s my dad?" He said: “Your dad is playing on the roof.”

It means they literally failed a test where the answers are directly in front of them. That doesn’t sound very smart if you ask me.

One is a marvel to behold, the other is a marble b-hole!